Agree to Disagree
One of the current “American virtues” is the idea that we can all get along no matter what. While this sounds great in a Christmas special or in some children’s shows on TV, reality is often far more disappointing. Conflict, arguing, and disagreement seem to be par for the course in today’s hyperactive world. Whether arguing on social media or battling it out on a news program, we see conflicts almost every day, if not more frequently. How does one navigate such a difficult and conflict-oriented world? This is a challenging question even under normal circumstances, but it is especially true for those who follow the Prince of Peace.
As a Christian, am I not allowed to disagree? Can I not argue against actions I find problematic? One might immediately point to the Old Testament, citing the battles and wars God’s people waged from Moses to the prophets. Or, perhaps, one might note that Paul himself was often outspoken against the wickedness of others (Acts 13:9-11). Opponents of this view may emphasize that the Lord seeks forgiveness and mercy (Matthew 9:13; Matthew 12:7). This may seem like a confusing contradiction to some. Which is it—stand for the truth or seek peace?
Let’s consider what the Scriptures teach regarding disagreements or conflicts that Christians might face. First, we should note how a God-fearing person ought to present themselves in the face of conflict. Solomon provides an excellent metric for determining whether conflicts are necessary. In Proverbs 26:4-5, his instruction to “answer not a fool according to his folly” highlights that certain conflicts hinder rather than advance the work of the Lord. Engaging in such disputes risks making us resemble the fool in our conduct.
One might ask, “Are we just supposed to let people say whatever they want without addressing it?” Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “Better to be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.” This ties directly to Proverbs 26. Not everyone is equipped to handle every situation. Some excel in conflict, keeping their composure and answering opposing arguments with grace and confidence. Others, however, may lose their temper or train of thought in tense situations, which could weaken the credibility of the gospel message. Therefore, Christians must exercise discernment to avoid making fools of themselves.
However, there are circumstances where truth must be spoken. Solomon also advises to “answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit” (Proverbs 26:5). At first glance, this may seem contradictory—how can one answer and not answer at the same time? The reality is quite simple: we must pick our battles carefully. Christians are called to seek peace whenever possible (Romans 12:18). The only conflicts Christians should engage in are those that strengthen the church.
If the United States went to war with another nation, military strategists would carefully decide which battles were worth fighting. The same principle applies to the spiritual warfare of the Lord. Spending all our time in fruitless arguments with those who only seek to quarrel diverts attention from those who are open and eager to learn. Jesus instructed His disciples on how to react when others refuse to listen (Mark 6:11). His statement to “shake the dust off your feet” would have resonated deeply with first-century Jews. It is believed that Jews would shake the dust off their feet when leaving Gentile cities to show they had no association with them. Likewise, Jesus’ command signified a symbolic separation from those who would not listen or obey.
It is also important to note that not all conflict is ungodly. Paul and Barnabas experienced a disagreement in Acts 15:39. While preparing for another missionary journey, they debated whether to bring John Mark, who had previously left them in Perga to return to Jerusalem (Acts 13:13). This conflict led to a temporary separation between these two friends. However, despite their differences, they continued the work of the Lord (Acts 15:39). Later in the New Testament, we see that Paul eventually reconciled with both Barnabas and Mark (1 Corinthians 9:6; 2 Timothy 4:11). This example shows that, at times, separation is necessary to further God’s work.
While conflict is difficult and often causes stress and pain, we can be thankful that the Lord has given us examples for handling it. Let us constantly look for opportunities—not for conflict—but for reconciliation and connection through the truth of God’s Word.