Are You Gaslighting Your Brother?
Why do so many brethren insist on gaslighting one another? It is becoming quite evident that frequently we are unwilling to examine the Scriptures and reason from their content. How are good Christian men doing this to one another? Well, first we must define our terms. The dictionary definition of the term gaslight is as follows.
to psychologically manipulate (a person) usually over an extended period of time so that the victim questions the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and experiences confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, and doubts concerning their own emotional or mental stability. (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslight)
I believe that we have allowed this corrupt worldly tactic to become sort of a spiritual trump card when we cannot prove our doctrines, practices, and thoughts with God's Holy Word. The reaction of many becomes ad hominem attacks. We have addressed several of these in other articles on this website. For example, we will find one brother may mislabel another brother, a progressive, liberal, or a change agent on one side because we perceive there is no scriptural authority for such a practice. The other side will suggest that everyone who says there is no scriptural authority for such a practice is being Pharisaical. Is it possible that in some cases this may be true that someone is quick to rush to judgment? Have we allowed assumptions to overrule our logic?
(Recommended Article: https://www.ironworkspress.org/articles/are-you-a-pharisee)
Is There Evidence?
Evidence is key. If there is proof that a brother is teaching a doctrine foreign to the Bible and it includes evidence of him teaching publicly (this can include in person, recording, or video), then the charge of liberalism or even being a change agent is substantive. We must remember to not rush to judgment and also to prepare to properly execute righteous judgment. Why not listen to the teaching of Jesus,
Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured unto you. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me cast out the mote out of thine eye; and lo, the beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Matt. 7:1-5
If we listen to Jesus, we understand that we must be careful with our judgment. We must not allow our emotions, past experiences, and unfounded assumptions to drive our judgment. Additionally, we will carefully observe our conduct, thoughts, doctrine, and attitude so that any beam in our own eyes can be dislodged. What is the purpose of such introspection? So that we can help our erring brother. Jesus said take care of yourself first and then take care of your brother’s eye. This corresponds with what the Lord commands in John 7:24, “Judge not according to appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” Judgment must occur, and when it does, it must be righteous.
Are We Holding Men to the Same Standard?
Judgment must be equitable as well. Brethren, no one gets a pass. If I am teaching error, I would ask you to come with an open Bible and show me my error. If we remember the basis of correction is always the love of God and neighbor, we are within God’s will. I am greatly disheartened that when some brethren with long-standing histories in the brotherhood begin to walk disorderly, teach strange doctrines, or even have fellowship with the works of darkness, other brethren will stand up and defend them even when the proof is presented. Some have even tried to justify the erring brother's behavior by alleging no sin has occurred. What is even worse is that sometimes they even gaslight the brother making the charge suggesting that he is a Pharisee for even bringing up the Bible. I guess one could say these individuals are at least loyal, but their loyalty is misplaced when it comes to being loyal to a man over God.
This behavior is outrageous, concerning, and damaging to one’s reputation. I am afraid that the church has become too political and that is the problem. We have lionized men as unshakable. It is eerily similar to the false doctrine of the impossibility of apostasy. The Christians must remember that to reprove a brother is to lovingly call him back. David and Peter sinned and were corrected. We hope that all of our erring brethren will repent as David and Peter surely did.
We must remember that no one is too big to fail! It does not matter how many people know your name or how many years of service you have, if you are out of order, you must be corrected. If you are embracing denominational teaching, you will be called on it, and you should be called on it. There is nothing hateful, or disingenuous about that as long as you keep the right motives. We must continue to examine our own eyes so that we can properly help each other get to our eternal reward and support the kingdom's work in the present.
What About Matthew 18:15-20?
Matthew 18:15-20 does not always apply to every instance where a brother sins. A brother in error preaching in Florida is not directly sinning against me, so to speak, but he is sinning when he teaches false doctrine, and he is doing so in a public forum (in front of a congregation, or lectureship, on audio recording, and in many cases video). When many people are listening to him across the brotherhood and looking to him for sound teaching, he must be corrected and corrected publicly.
Let’s simplify and recap. Not everyone is a progressive, liberal, or change agent just because you heard from someone that they said something. Gather the facts and, when necessary, correct them. Second, if someone corrects you scripturally showing how your pet practice, doctrine, or belief is unscriptural, that does not make them a Pharisee. Ad hominem attacks among brethren have to stop. Gaslighting a zealous brother who wants as many souls to go to heaven as possible by calling him a Pharisee is the work of the devil. We are better than that! We must correct each other with book, chapter, and verse, and in context. Stop gaslighting each other with ad hominem worldly attacks; let's focus not on the men of the church but on the man Christ Jesus, the head of the church, and strive to be like Him. Christ was bold in standing up to error, and compassionate on His people. Go and do likewise.
Grace and Peace,
R.D. Beavers
